Gungor / Entitlement / Justice

If you haven't ever listened to Gungor, it's about time you start. They're marketed as "Christian" but don't let that scare you off. They don't believe in sacrificing musical talent as an excuse to better sell more pointless, shallow bullshit. They're GOOD. The funny thing is, too, they say a lot of things that would rub most of the American Church the wrong way. (I.e. They believe that God and America are not interchangeable words. It's not exactly a popular idea around these parts.) So, it's almost as though maybe they are prophesying to the American Church, and should remain in the Christian market. Hmm...

ANYWAY, all that to say... their "Beautiful Things" album is one of the best works of art I've ever heard. Here are the lyrics to one of their songs. Called "God is not a White Man". It raised a lot of hell. People were accusing Gungor of claiming God is Love. Oh. My. Gosh. Where do they get this CrAaAazy stuff??!!?

God is not a man, God is not a white man
God is not a man sitting on a cloud
God cannot be bought, God will not be boxed in
God will not be owned by religion

God is love, God is love
And He loves everyone

God is not a man, God is not an old man
God does not belong to Republicans

God is not a flag, not even American
God does not depend on a government
God is good, God is good, and He loves everyone

Atheists and charlatans, Communists and lesbians
And even ol’ Pat Roberston, Oh God He loves us all
Catholic or protestant, Terrorist or president
Everybody, everybody
Love, love, love, love


K, me again. I think everyone gets all mad at stuff like this because we don't like the idea that people who "don't deserve it" or "are bad" or who "don't work hard" get the same treatment that we do. We're like, "What the crap, God!? You love THEM too? I'm the one who tithes! I'm the one who reads my bible every day! I'm the one who never drinks, smokes or swears! I'm doing all this work, and you love that person!?"

The weird thing is though, Jesus is all the time doing stuff like that. I mean, he tells that story of the lost son. And I mean, that younger son was super selfish and terrible. He was greedy and manipulative. All the while his older son was faithfully devoted to his father and never ran away from home, squandering his inheritance. But then, what does that father do? He welcomes the dirty, pig-smelling boy back as if he had never left! And the older, faithful brother is angry! (Luke 15:11-32) But that's the thing.... Jesus says stuff like this all the time! Remember that whole.... "tax collectors and prostitutes are entering the Kingdom before you" thing? (matt. 21:31)

I think we love and choose to live our lives in faithful devotion because, if we're truly Jesus followers, that's the only way we know how to BE Jesus followers. It happens organically. You don't have to tell a flower to look pretty and to smell nice. It just does, because it is being a flower. If we're doing all the great, faithful, devoted stuff just for fire insurance, or just to make sure we can say we're "christian" or just cause we are afraid to think otherwise then.... we're manipulative idolaters. We're Baal worshippers.

It doesn't matter if we're the only ones doing it right. It doesn't matter if we "deserve" it. God loves all of us--even Ol' ... Rush Limbaugh.

Reflections on M11

I return from the M11 conference with a heavy, but hopeful heart. Us kids were pushed through the wringer. It's amazing really. M11 was like pulling up a damp log to see all the worms and crawling critters wriggling beneath. M11 unearthed all the underlying tensions festering beneath the title of "The Church of the Nazarene"--most of which, I was completely ignorant to. On the one hand, we went to services that I could best describe as "moralistic, therapeutic deism" and... unbridled charismatic sensationalism. (These services left us most of us either extremely bored, or extremely confused.) But on the other hand, most of us went to sessions during the day that were enlightening, prophetic and educational. It was a roller coaster. In the services, I felt like an nihilistic cynic, and in the sessions, I felt like a wide-eyed, hopeful disciple.

My friend Matt wrote a bit about what he felt in one of the services in the morning. There was a speaker named Dan Bohi who claims he recieved a call on his life to preach. He is a layperson from Kansas who reads the bible through every 30 days. Here's an excerpt of what Matt thought about his service.

"...there was mass confusion among students and faculties from several Nazarene Universities as well as pastors because many pastors appeared to be responding to the words and methods that seemed incongruent with the tradition, history, theology, and practices of the Church of the Nazarene. Many found themselves skeptical and disconnected from the proceedings of the session, only to have this skepticism and disconnection compounded when they saw some of their own clergy responding during the session.
"Many found themselves skeptical of Bohi’s claims that education was unnecessary and irrelevant, even a hindrance to the work of God through the Holy Spirit. He claimed that organization, planning, and preparation were useless declaring they disallow the 'Holy Spirit to move.'
"Bohi, for approximately 2½ hours, strung together verse after verse of scripture, a practice many would call ‘proof texting’. During his speech, over and over again, he presented irrational, illogical, irresponsible propositions and illustrations, claiming that the church had disfigured the Holy Spirit. Bohi’s use of scripture amounted to simply reading and regurgitating single verses with no regard to cultural, linguistic, literary, or historical context.
"Bohi’s presentation was, to many, a display of what the Church of the Nazarene has clearly opposed. He claimed to heal people by calling them forward so he could touch them. Within 24 hours he claimed that people had been ‘delivered’ from conditions such as fibromyalgia and sleep apnea which are two very complex disorders that take an extended period of time to render either positive or negative diagnoses.
"Nevertheless, in response to the plenary session there was/is a lot of conversation. Students, pastors, and professors are wondering how to respond are asking: “Is this the direction the Church of the Nazarene is headed?” or “Is there room, then, in the Church of the Nazarene for me?” Maybe the most significant question on the minds of many is “Will I find any clarity amidst the confusion?”

Okay, so I posted a lot, but he said it so well, I felt like I had to. Now, I know y'all weren't there, and with the exception of one session of Dan Bohi, neither was I. But this service brought to life many issues many of us are struggling with--biblical interpretation, healing, charismatic worship, and frankly corporate worship as a whole. All of these sort of culminated with this one message.

After a group of about 30 of us talked --professors and students from TNU, MVNU, ONU-- we rested on this fact: The Spirit of God moves. So, while I asked the question, "what if this great response isn't from God?" I have to immediately respond with, "God works despite our fallible, individualistic attempts to explain or manipulate him."

I think the pastors and people affected by that services, and others like it were so affected because they're hungry. They're broken, scared, and burning for community. They need to feel like they aren't alone. And that night, amidst the confusion and concern, these pastors wrapped their arms around one another. They shared, they were open, and they knew what it was to bear life in solidarity together. And THAT is beautiful.

All this to say: I am still confused. It's a day later, and all of us are still exhaustedly wrestling with the issues raised at this conference. But I believe God is working. I believe we are learning. And after M11 I walk around this campus and look in the eyes of the people who were there crying with me, confessing with me, and correcting me and feel as though we are bearing life in solidarity with one another. I think this is part of what it means to be the church.

M11 -- Questions

I'm currently at a conference called "Mission 11". It's a Nazarene conference... and... well, I know it's in a giant hotel/convention center and that's about the extent of my knowledge. Anyway, I'm here, in Louisville, KY for 3 days of sessions, services and speakers. It is immensely trying. Anyway, sparing you the length and depth of my thoughts of the matter, I'll simply present some questions on my mind.

1. Why is education of the laity not a primary concern in the Nazarene church (or the Church as a whole)?

2. Why is missions almost always talked about in reference to something overseas?

3. Why are we so afraid to question what we've always believed?

4. Why when something radically new is presented to us do we, more often than not, assume it is wrong, or unhealthily motivated?

5. Why do we talk about Jesus SO MUCH, but hardly emphasize his teachings, his prophecy, or his way of life?

That's just some stuff I'm thinking now... More will inevitably follow.

I hate all your show.

My first response when reading Amos was that I felt like it had been severely overlooked by the churches of today. I had never read Amos until recently—now I know why. It’s not as though Churches are itching to teach on something that could in fact call everything they do into question. When Amos says in Ch. 5,

21 “I hate, I despise your religious festivals;
your assemblies are a stench to me.
22 Even though you bring me burnt offerings and grain offerings,
I will not accept them.
Though you bring choice fellowship offerings,
I will have no regard for them.
23 Away with the noise of your songs!
I will not listen to the music of your harps.
24 But let justice roll on like a river,
righteousness like a never-failing stream!

It makes me feel like someone gets it. I know I probably shouldn’t feel like that because this was written centuries before I was even thought of, but I feel like Amos would be happy that’s what I felt when reading this. I’ve been raised in churches that care SO MUCH about their worship. They raise their hands, they pray their long, long prayers, and they recite scripture from memory and tell everyone to do the same. But outside of the context of the building where this takes place, they head back into jobs that they hate—that produce nothing, and benefit few at the expense of many. They angrily complain about proposed legislation that may force them to give people who don’t deserve it, while bragging about their tithes to the church. They buy things from places that though they advertise low prices… the cost of making them “low” is the quality of life of people around the globe who suffer under the thumb of bosses forcing them to work long hours for little pay. They happily buy bigger, more expensive cars that rape the earth and push them further into debt. Then, on SUNDAY—the “Lord’s day”—everything changes. Suddenly they’re weeping, praying, model Christians. And if EVER someone says something about all this, that person gets called a “bleeding heart liberal”. (Yes, this happens to me.)

“I hate all your show!” Amos gets it.

INSTEAD. Let there be a flood of justice! An endless procession of right relationship! Instead of haughty words and “humble” giving, why don’t we care about the world OUTSIDE of the church! Why don’t we care about our place, and our effects in this world! How can we possibly justify raising our hands in worship while simultaneously being agents of oppression!
Jon Foreman said it well in his song, “Instead of a Show”…

I hate all your show and pretense
The hypocrisy of your praise
The hypocrisy of your festivals
I hate all your show
Away with your noisy worship
Away with your noisy hymns
I stomp on my ears when you're singing 'em
I hate all your show

Instead let there be a flood of justice
An endless procession of righteous living, living
Instead let there be a flood of justice
Instead of a show

Your eyes are closed when you're praying
You sing right along with the band
You shine up your shoes for services
There's blood on your hands
You turned your back on the homeless
And the ones that don't fit in your plan
Quit playing religion games
There's blood on your hands

Let's argue this out
If your sins are blood red
Let's argue this out
You'll be one of the clouds
Let's argue this out
Quit fooling around
Give love to the ones who can't love at all
Give hope to the ones who got no hope at all
Stand up for the ones who can't stand at all, all
I hate all your show


We need to learn to pray for prophecy. Yes, it hurts. Yes, it makes us feel convicted and makes us feel like we’re wrong. YES, it may call us to change things in our life. But I think the road to faithfulness calls us to just this: A flood of justice—instead of a show.
I hate all your show.

To the one who feels like no one understands,

Remember the other day, when I said "if you're happy, you're doing something wrong"? Well, I keep thinking about that. And I think that's your problem. I think that’s the problem of anyone trying to be faithful. I think if you're honestly trying to be faithful, you look at the world with all of its brokenness, all of its injustice, and all of the loud angry people who swear they're doing it right, and you can't help but lament. And when you try to explain it, you get upset. Or the words come out wrong. Or you criticize the person, and not the problem. And it leaves you standing in the caf arguing because you can't get your friend to understand what you're trying to say, and that it isn't about him. I think when you are honestly trying to be faithful, you see that more often then not, the Church is not happening within the institution of the church. Prophesy is not being spoken. And this "moralistic, therapeutic Deism" is screaming that its the Kingdom of God, but you know that can't be it. And you think "why the hell am I living here and being concerned about my stuff and not sharing all things in common like I think we are called to?!" It's disheartening and frustrating, to say the least.

Today I learned that even though I say things about fighting the powers, and fighting injustice, and seeking peace, and all that good stuff... I'm missing a huge part. I forget to give grace to people that I don't see giving grace. And I forget to be friends with people that annoy me. And I forget those simple "love your neighbor" things. And then, I feel like one of those religion majors that thinks they've figured it out. I still need to learn to ask for humility. And remember that.... we're all just trying to figure it out, and we all have a lot to learn. And that is painful.

But I don't want to give up on joy. I think if we lose sight of that, then there too, we're doing something wrong. In the midst of "trying to figure it out", we have to remember that we aren't alone. There are people that "get it". There are people that don't need a shit load of ... prolegomena before you can say what you want to say--you can just TALK. That is beautiful. That is home. We have to cling to that. Maybe faithfulness looks like always being on the edge of tears, but I don't think it means being so jaded you forget that hope is the reason we're doing this at all. I think faithfulness means joy in the midst of overwhelming exhaustion we feel when looking at the Church.

I say all this to say, I hope you are encouraged by the fact that what you do matters. I am beginning to see where I am headed. I think there is a lot of pain in my future. I see it in the eyes of the teachers and mentors and friends I look up to. But too, I know that it’s worth it. I know the call matters. I know there is joy in the midst of the struggle. And we are not alone. We have each other. We must never forget we have each other.

Just some thoughts I wanted to share with someone who gets it.
K, I'm gonna sleep now. Hope that your morning/afternoon/evening is going well.


Also, this past week has made me understand why people smoke weed. Sometimes its nice to not have to think.

-Kylie

Bleeding heart?

I wonder what I think about this whole blogging thing. It isn't often that I feel like writing. (And call me crazy, but I feel like that's the primary reason for having a blog.) But every now and then, something will hit me. Usually its after a conversation with a friend, and suddenly it's as if the world comes into focus. Or, while I'm sitting in class, and I'm hit with a realization that will make me angry, or sad, or antsy, or excited. Or while I'm standing in a church service overcome with questions. Or when I'm with the people that get me, and that make me feel safe. It's at those points when I feel motivated to write.

I'm not great at things like being mellow. I'm passionate. If I like something, I want you to like it too. Don't ever take me to a nice restaurant, because I will force you to try whatever delicious thing I'm eating. I mean, I know you'd love it.  When I meet someone that is smart or eccentric or inspiring or challenging, it's like I've never met anyone else. I want you to meet them, and fall in love with them too. When I learn something, it's impossible to not relate it to my life. It seeps into my conversations, and overwhelms my mind.

All this to say... the things I write about will be the things I'm feeling. And in my world, I can just say what I think. I don't have to give a chapter of prolegomena to make sure we're on the same page. I don't have to make sure I'm not being overly emphatic, or politically correct. I don't have to be tactful. I don't have to be scared I'm offending, or being inflammatory. I can just... talk. And I like to talk.

So yeah. I guess that's what I'll do. I'll talk. I don't know if everyone introduces their blog like this. But well, it seemed appropriate. So, I'll write. And if you'd like to read, I'd love to share my thoughts with you.